


A Couple of Idiots

by TheTruthIsOutWhere



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, First Time, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Wild and Unrealistic 14x8 speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 02:00:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16822885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTruthIsOutWhere/pseuds/TheTruthIsOutWhere
Summary: “Nope, no, absolutely not.”“Dean, you know you have no control in this situation. This is MY call.”Sam knew how this ended, and it wasn’t going to resolve itself like every other time. Cas would be gone once he made his decision.  Knowing Cas, there was really only one decision he could make.  The self-sacrificing bastard was going to seal himself on the wrong side of heaven, save the world or whatever, and break his brother’s heart.





	A Couple of Idiots

“Nope, no, absolutely not.”

“Dean, you know you have no control in this situation. This is MY call.”

Sam’s head ping ponged between his brother and their best friend. He was used to this, this was how they operated, but nothing about this interaction was normal. Sam knew how this ended, and it wasn’t going to resolve itself like every other time. Cas would be gone once he made his decision. Knowing Cas, there was really only one decision he could make. The self-sacrificing bastard was going to seal himself on the wrong side of heaven, save the world or whatever, and break his brother’s heart. 

Two hours ago Cas had walked down the bunker stairs with a determined and resolute look on his face. Per usual, Dean’s entire focus had shifted and his face had lit up as the angel entered the library, but Sam knew something was wrong. He wasn’t blinded in the moment like his brother. When he’d gone to close the doors to heaven no one had expected this outcome. It required a sacrifice, and as it turned out a sacrifice from the angel that had upset the balance in heaven to begin with. Cas, as it turned out. Oh, and to further complicate the matter, this “sacrifice” was the only way to save the world. Obviously. Who knew heaven was so important to the cosmic balance or whatever, frankly Sam had stopped listening shortly after Cas announced he would be closing off heaven and fixing the issues from the INSIDE.

He’s really not sure if Dean is listening at this point either. He’s taken his stand on the one point he fully understood, and is not backing down. 

“Cas, no, for the last time fixing heaven does not fall to you! Yes, you had a hand in where it is now but you didn’t cause this single-handedly. Those archangel dicks did! You know that, we all know that!” 

“Of course, Dean. It wasn’t entirely my fault. But by some bizarre twist of fate, I’m the last one standing. Me. I’m the only one that can fix this, and I will not let the word suffer as a result of something I had a hand in.”

Dean seemed unsure how to respond to Cas’ last comment. He opened his mouth and closed it several times before his shoulders hunched forward and his face fell. Finally he looked across the table at Cas with wide and, judging by the brief flash Sam saw as he turned, watery eyes. 

“Cas, please. Don’t do this. We just got you back, man. We need you here. Jack needs you. Sam and I… I need you here Cas.”

Cas gazed back at Dean, because let’s be honest, Sam thought to himself, all he ever did was gaze at Dean. There really was no other word for it.

“Dean, I…” Cas cleared his throat and tried again. “Jack has both of you, and therefore all he could ever need. I’m doing what I can for him by making the world safe. And you, you both, will be fine without me. You were before, and you will be now. In time, you’ll see this was the right thing, I know it. Now, I really just came back here to tell you of my decision. Time is running out, the gates of heaven need to be sealed. There’s no need to make this harder then it already is, I should go.”

Dean hunched forward an imperceptible amount and shifted his weight to his hand on the table. Sam could see him struggling to rein in his emotions with rapid breaths in and out. Sam knew he needed to take the lead here.

“Cas if you’re sure this is what you want to do, you know we’ll stand behind you. But it’ll never be the same here without you man. We love you.”

Dean jerked his head to stare at his brother as he said the last sentence. Sam moved forward to tightly grasp Cas in an embrace and patted his back several times roughly. He cleared his throat but it didn’t stop the tears he blinked out of his eyes from trailing down his cheeks. As he tried to gather himself, he turned to watch his brother’s goodbye. He couldn’t imagine how hard this would be for him. But he didn’t move. Neither did Cas. Dean stared down at his hand bracing himself for at least 30 seconds before he slowly raised his eyes to meet Cas’ piercing blue stare. Neither man said a word or made a move, Sam’s head ping ponged again in disbelief. This was how his brother was saying goodbye forever to his angel!? Sam was in shock and nearly burst into tears as Cas firmly set his mouth, blinked back the tears filling his eyes, and nodded just once at his brother. With that he turned and walked up the stairs, trench coat trailing behind him. The bunker door closed with an aching squeak of finality.

Dean was in denial, Sam was pretty sure. He knew Cas wasn’t dead, or not really anyways, so he supposes he shouldn’t have expected a reaction similar to Cas’ death nearly a year ago. But even if Dean’s feelings for Cas weren’t what Sam had always suspected, he expected more of a reaction than this. Because in all honesty his brother was acting, normal. Not normal in the sense of every other human in the world he supposed, but normal for Dean. Gruff, no nonsense, sarcastic, and short. But he wasn’t the heartbroken, sobbing, drunken, wallowing mess that Sam was sure would surface in this scenario. Sam wasn’t sure how to handle this. In fact, Sam would have thought maybe he dreamed the whole scenario aside from one thing: Dean hadn’t spoken to Jack and Mary since Cas walked out that door.

It took Sam a frankly ridiculous amount of time to realize, but now it was painfully obvious. Every time Jack entered a room, Dean left. Every time Mary cornered Sam and Dean to report on her most recent hunt, Dean was suddenly no longer beside his brother. Sam knew it had to be because of Cas. Everyone had moved on extremely quickly after heaven’s gates where permanently sealed. Pitfall of the profession he supposed, mourning and grief were unfortunately luxuries. Mary and Jack had not moved on however. They were the only two in the bunker that allowed themselves to feel the loss. Mary had considered Cas one of her sons she shared with Sam. Of course Jack had seen him as a Father. Neither had gotten to say goodbye. Sam had forced his feelings as far back as possible, it frightened him a little how easily he could do so. Dean, of course, was the king of repressed emotions. However, Sam had a feeling that his avoidance of Jack and Mary showed the depth of his true emotions. If he were forced to face the mourning of his mother and surrogate son he might not be able to repress things as he always had.

Almost two months to the day after Cas walked out the bunker door, he walked right back in. Sam and Dean were seated at the kitchen table talking over their recent caseload. Dean had a tumbler full of whisky wrapped in his hand but he was, very tellingly, not drinking it. In fact, as far as Sam could tell, Dean hadn’t had a drink in nearly two months. As Sam glanced down at the text in front of him a shadow fell across the table. The wide, shocked, and pale expression on Dean’s face caused him to whip around to look behind him. The trench coat clad shoulders of Castiel filled the kitchen doorway.

Before Sam could really process what he was doing, he was up and tightly grasping his friend and speaking rapidly.

“Cas?? How are you back, how is this possible??”

As Cas opened his mouth to respond Dean shot to his feet. He was looking only at Cas with a hard, closed-off expression. “What did you do Cas?”

Cas again looked like he was trying to answer, but once again Dean didn’t allow it.

“What did you do? Your grace? That’s it, isn’t it? You stupid, stupid, son of a bitch. You gave up your grace??”

Dean was frantically running his hand through his hair and glancing around the room like he wasn’t sure what to do now. Cas, for his part, had opened and closed his mouth but still hadn’t answered. Given how well Sam knew him, however, he knew Dean had hit the nail right on the head. Cas was human.

Finally Dean paused as if to let Cas answer, but apparently no answer was forthcoming for the moment. Sam finally took pity and asked Cas for clarification.

“What happened Cas? I thought the only way to save heaven was for you to seal it off?”

Cas heaved a heavy sigh but looked relieved for the opening. He looked quickly between both brothers before answering. “Yes, Sam, I believed that to be the only way. However, when I got to heaven it turns out Naomi had been holding back an alternate solution.”

At this he looked at Dean, who was pointedly not looking at him. Once he realized that wasn’t likely to change he continued his explanation. “Naomi told me that really all that was needed to seal the gates and keep heaven operational was the grace of the angel that had started it’s downfall. My grace. Of course she had held that detail back because she wanted my assistance and leadership in heaven’s new order. In fact she wouldn’t have told me at all if I hadn’t stumbled across the translated angel tablet accidentally. Once she clarified, the choice was easy.”

At the last word Dean finally looked up and took a rapid step back, almost as if he’d been struck. “Easy!? Giving up your grace was easy? You’re human now Cas! Again. You can die, get sick, starve just like the rest of us. Why would you possibly want that?”

“I couldn’t leave you again, I wouldn’t. There was no choice to make.”

A charged silence hung in the air after that simple statement and Sam wasn’t entirely sure where to look. It was clear to him that though Cas had maybe tried to keep his admission ambiguous, that he was really only talking to Dean, about Dean. Cas had given up his grace to return and stay with his brother. He had no idea how Dean would handle that.

Dean was breathing hard and rapidly, but looked panicked like he had no idea what to do. He glanced to Sam as if he had an answer, but Sam just looked back wide-eyed and resigned. He knew Dean would either finally tackle this tension head-on, or use his usual deflection approach to hide any real emotions.

He supposes he shouldn’t have been surprised when he chose the latter.

“Yeah, well. Welcome to the world of the non-extraordinary, I guess. It sucks.” 

With that Dean turned and walked down the hall towards the bedrooms. Cas’ shoulders slumped forward with equal parts relief and disappointment. He looked towards Sam with a minute eye roll and Sam smirked back.

“I’m so glad you’re back man. He is too, you know that. But he has no idea how to process that we almost lost you again. He thought that was it, for real this time.”

“Oh I understand Sam, I really do. I thought I had lost you both as well. Walking away from this bunker was the hardest thing I’ve had to do in my very long life. When Naomi finally told me this solution, I was elated. Honestly I knew how Dean would react. I half expected him to hit me when I came back.” Cas smiled at that, thoughts clearly turned inward. “I missed you all so much. Where are Jack and Mary? How long have I been gone? Time passes so differently in heaven.”

“Mom and Jack are out hunting. We should call them! They’ll be so relieved you’re back. They were both devastated, Dean wouldn’t even talk to them. I think he couldn’t take their grief in addition to his, too hard to repress that way. Oh, and, 2 months man. You’ve been gone almost 2 months.”

“Longer than I thought. No wonder he’s so upset with me.”

“Just give him time, Cas. He’ll get over the grace thing quickly. Now that you’re back things will be back to a new normal in no time.”

And they were for the most part. Cas settled back into the routine of eating, sleeping, showering, and everything else that came with being human. Dean repressed his feelings about the situation, as he was wont to do, and accepted their new reality. Heaven was sealed off, and some day Cas would die. The second part was harder for him. However, he managed to mostly keep his feelings about it under wraps. That is until Cas did something stupid, as HE was wont to do.

They had been pursuing a fairly steady caseload with all the hunters from apocalypse world now living in the bunker. So it felt only natural to Cas that he join the brothers on cases. He was after all a “hunter in training” as he liked to joke. Dean never seemed to find it as funny as he did. So when a couple of demons were wreaking havoc in Wichita, Cas tagged along to help take care of it. Things were going fine, until the demons got the drop on them in an abandoned warehouse just outside of town. Of course it had been a trap, Dean would beat himself up for that later. But regardless, Cas and Dean ended up trapped in a room alone with four demons hell-bent on ending the Winchesters and taking the credit. 

Cas may not have been as strong as he once was, but he was still a skilled fighter and he still had his angel blade. Between the two of them they were able to quickly take down the first two demons, the remaining two were a little trickier. Cas took a moment to take a quick breath, and spared a thought to Sam elsewhere in the warehouse. Hopefully he didn’t have his own demons to contend with by himself. After the thought crossed his mind he pushed it aside and jumped back into the fray. Luckily his fighting skills had always relied more heavily on his speed and cunning rather than outright strength, and in a matter of moments (despite sustaining a few heavy blows) he sunk his angel blade into the demons chest. Before the life could even finish sparking out of his assailant he heard a cry behind him.

Dean lay pinned on the ground beneath the largest of the four demons. Honestly where had he even found a meat suit that large? The man looked like a pro-wrestler at the very least. Dean was struggling to keep the man’s forearm from crushing his windpipe and Cas followed his innate programming without thought, save Dean Winchester. He dove at the demon with his full body weight rolling him to the ground and off of Dean. He managed a cut to the demon’s chest and forearm before he was rolled to his back. His fatal error was lifting his head to try and push the man off him. Rather than move, the demon pushed back, and with a sickening crunch he felt his head hit pavement. He thought maybe he heard someone yell his name before he passed out, but he couldn’t really be sure, head injuries were funny like that.

The next time Cas was conscious he found himself laying in a soft, warm bed. He was pretty sure his bed had never been this comfortable before, he wondered if Dean’s memory foam felt this good, the thought made him smile.

“Cas, you awake buddy?”

Cas tried to open his eyes as he heard the voice but the action resulted in splitting pain to his head. “It’s bright. Hurts” he managed to slur.

“Shit, sorry. Hang on”

The next time he opened his eyes the brightness was much less and the pain much more bearable. Now he could see Sam was the one who had spoken.

“There he is. How you feeling, man? You scared the shit out of us.”

Cas smiled softly. “Hi, Sam. I feel ok, my head hurts though.”

Sam chuckled. “Uh yeah, I would imagine it does. That demon gave you one serious concussion. If you didn’t wake up soon we were going to take you to the hospital.”

“Oh yeah… that guy was huge.” Memories started to trickle painfully back into Cas’ brain and he shot up quickly, nausea shooting through him. “Dean! Is he ok? Where is he?”

“Shhh Cas it’s ok, he’s out in the library. He was a little upset when you weren’t waking up after we killed the demon. His pacing was driving me nuts so I sent him out there. He wanted to make sure you got the comfortable bed while you rested though.”

Cas relaxed back into a sitting position and realized he was in fact in Dean’s room, in Dean’s bed. He breathed a sigh of relief. “Were either of you hurt? How did we get here?”

“We’re both fine, don’t worry. I caught up with you both right in time to see your head hit the pavement. Between Dean and I we killed the demon quickly, got you in the impala and brought you back here. Mom, Jack, Dean, and I have been taking turns watching you until you woke up. It’s been almost a full day, thus Dean’s pacing.”

Cas closed his eyes a minute before responding. “Thank you for taking care of me. I’m still not used to having to accept that help as a human.”

“Of course, Cas. You’re family, and you’re only human because you sacrificed everything to save the world. Plus you only got hurt because you were saving Dean’s life, he was about 10 seconds away from passing out from lack of oxygen. I think that may be the part he’s struggling with the most to be honest.”

Cas smiled and closed his eyes again. “When will Dean realize he IS worth being saved? I’ve only been telling him for 10 years. I’d do anything for him, sustaining a head injury actually ranks pretty low on the list.”

“I know that Cas, but you need to be a little more careful. How do you think he’d react if you did die protecting him? I think he’d rather be dead than have to live knowing you died for him.”

“Well, I think he and I may have that in common.”

Sam released a heavy sigh and ran a hand through his hair. Finally he said “When are you two going to own up to how you feel? Honestly it’s getting a little ridiculous, and I’m tired of watching you dance around it.”

Cas sat stunned for a minute. He finally tried to speak but had to clear his throat before any words actually came out. “Sam, I… I mean, uh, Dean doesn’t. I don’t… How long have you known that I’m in love with him?”

Sam smirked. “You aren’t as subtle as you think you are. In fact, you aren’t subtle at all buddy. You gave up heaven for him, you gave up your grace for him, really you gave up everything for him. And don’t try to tell me you gave all that up for both of us, for the world or whatever. I know the truth. You’ve been in love with him this whole time, I’ve always known it. He doesn’t, if that’s any consolation. He’s too busy hiding from his own feelings to see how you feel.”

“You’re wrong Sam. Dean is attracted to women, not men. And he certainly doesn’t feel anything towards me other than kinship and brotherly love. I’ve had to accept that, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’d do anything for him.” Cas glanced at his hands wrapped tightly in the bed’s comforter and loosened them so he could run a hand through his disheveled hair. Finally he looked at Sam with wide, and sad, but resolute eyes.

Sam laughed. “Jesus, Cas. I thought you were the smart one out of the two of you. First of all, Dean is bisexual. He doesn’t think I know that, and he’s certainly never acted on it, but I think he’s at least acknowledged that to himself. Second, he’s been in love with you for YEARS. All that staring you two do? You know that’s not normal right? He certainly does, he’s just great at pretending. I think you leaving to close off heaven finally made him accept his feelings though, just in time to lose you forever. Or so he thought at least. But being the king of repression, here we are with everyone acting like everything is totally normal. At least you have obliviousness as an excuse.”

Cas had paused with his hand in his hair at Sam’s outburst. His heart was pounding. He was fairly sure his mouth was hanging open. They were both totally silent for what felt like whole minutes. 

Finally Cas coughed at the awkwardness and decided he needed to break the tension. His deep voice broke through the dead air. “Speaking of repression Sam, how long have you been holding that speech in?”

Sam was quiet for a moment, and then burst into laughter. Sam smiled for a moment before he lost control and joined in as well. He wasn’t sure how long their hysterics went on, but his sides were beginning to hurt when he heard someone clear their throat in the doorway.

He glanced over to see a straight-faced Dean leaning on the doorframe and looking un-amusedly between Sam and Cas. “Thanks for the heads up that he’s awake Sammy, glad I spent the last 20 minutes still thinking he might die at any moment. That was a blast.”

They both stopped laughing but still had smiles pasted on their faces. Nothing could stop their relief now that everything was out in the open. Cas wiped the liquid from the corners of his eyes and spoke up.

“Oh shut up, Dean, and stop being such a drama queen. Don’t pretend you and Sam don’t get hit in the head all the time. I’m totally fine. Oh and while we’re at it, quit it with the self-sacrificing bullshit. It’s not your fault I got hurt, and I’d do it again a million times over.”

Dean’s mouth fell open and he gaped at Cas. Sam smothered what Cas was pretty sure was an aborted laugh. Belatedly Cas realized that he had maybe never before spoken so plainly to Dean before, and he’d definitely never sworn at him before. Dean didn’t seem to be recovering any time soon so Cas spoke up.

“Sam, do you mind giving Dean and I a moment? I think we need to talk.”

Sam nodded and quickly stood to exit the room, Cas thought he might have heard him mutter “finally” under his breath. Sam shut the door shut behind Dean, forcing him to fully enter the room. The click of the latch seemed to loosen Dean’s tongue.

“What the actual fuck was that Cas? Did that head injury knock a screw loose?”

Cas chuckled, “Maybe, Dean. But I think it had more to do with the lecture Sam just gave me.”

Dean looked confused. “Lecture? About what?”

“I believe the takeaway message was: we’re both idiots.”

“I’m sorry, what? How did I get dragged into this? Where did this come from exactly?”

“From the sounds of it, it came from years and years of pent up exasperation and frustration. With the both of us. And I don’t know if it’s this screw that got knocked loose, the lecture, or the mere fact that I’m short on time now that I’m human, but I’m rather sick of hiding how I feel. Maybe you are too based on what Sam just said to me.” Dean looked momentarily panicked. “However, I’ll just speak for myself. I’m tired of hiding the fact that I’m in love with you Dean. That I have maybe been in love with you for over ten years. To be honest I’m not entirely sure when it started, but it seems like it’s time for me to be open with you and myself about it. No matter how you feel.”

Dean sat heavily in the chair next to his own bed. He looked at Cas, and then abruptly down at his own hands, which tightly gripped his thighs. Cas didn’t speak, merely let Dean work through his emotions in his own time. Eventually he met Cas’ gaze but Cas was surprised to see his eyes were filled with tears. Dean bit his lip and tilted his head to the side, then wiped his mouth with his hand. When he spoke his voice was choked with emotion. “I’m sorry Cas. Whatever Sam said to you, I’m guessing he wasn’t wrong. That kid knows me better than I know myself if I’m honest, which maybe I rarely am but I owe you that. The truth is, Cas, that we don’t get a happy ending. Not with the life we lead. Maybe someday Sam could get out, hell he’s done it before, but I can’t. This is all I’ve ever known, and Dad drove a few points home when he raised me as a hunter. Happy endings? Ain’t gonna happen. Long-term relationships? Not in the cards. And definitely not with other men.” Dean gave Cas a pointed look. “Maybe at one point in my life I could have accepted that part of myself, but I think it’s too late. No matter how strongly I feel about you. I want you to be happy Cas, more than I want anything I want that. But I know that I can’t make you happy, not the way you deserve. I’m so sorry Castiel.”

Dean wiped his eyes and walked out of the room without so much as a glance back. Cas gently let his head rest on the headboard and cursed his head injury, and John Winchester a little too. If nausea weren’t entirely debilitating him at the moment Cas would have been chasing Dean down that hallway, as it stood he was useless for the moment. He had never realized how deeply John had truly inserted himself into Dean’s psyche. Obviously he knew the damage the man had caused, anyone who met either brother did to some extent, but this level of destruction was new information. Dean thought he was unworthy of love, incapable of making him happy, and incapable of loving a man? Because it was wrong according to his father of course. Cas was furious, unfortunately anger with a dead man didn’t have a great outlet or purpose. This wasn’t over like Dean thought it was. Once he could move out of this bed Dean and he would have another little chat.

Unfortunately it took nearly another week until Castiel could stand upright on his own without feeling the need to vomit. Dean made himself scarce the entire time. Dean somehow successfully avoided Cas another two weeks after that by taking repeated hunts without returning to the bunker. Finally the hunts ran dry and Dean had no choice but to come home. Sam kept Cas apprised of Dean’s schedule and Cas plotted his confrontation. He was frankly at the end of his rope with Dean’s avoidance at this point. So when Dean strode down the bunker stairs, a casual smirk painting his face, Cas may have overreacted just a bit. Cas had stationed himself to the right of the staircase, purposely just out of view. As Dean hit the bottom stair, his gaze directed towards the library, Cas grabbed the front of his shirt and growled “We need to talk” as he dragged him down the hallway.

“Cas, come on! Cut it out! What’s with you?” Dean yelped while trying to disentangle Cas’ hand.

Cas ignored him, threw open the door to Dean’s room and shoved him inside, closing the door behind them. “You’re an idiot Dean.”

Dean looked momentarily shocked. “What? You just dragged me in here to tell me I’m an idiot? Seriously Cas? I thought you were going to beat the shit out of me or something.”

“Well you are an idiot, and you needed to know it. But that’s not why I dragged you in here. I dragged you in here to tell you you’re wrong, about everything. You’re father too. You’ve made me happy since the day I met you, Dean Winchester. I didn’t even know what happiness was until I met you. I want to be with you until the day I die, and every decision I’ve made for the past 10 years has been made to stay by your side. I don’t believe a word of what your father told you. You can be happy, whether you’re a hunter or not, and there is nothing wrong with loving a man if that’s how you feel. You deserve to be loved more than anyone. But really I just wanted you to know that I will have lived a long, full, and happy life if you’ll just let me stay with you. As your friend, or as anything else.”

Dean’s angry expression had not abated throughout his entire speech so Cas waited for some sort of movement, anything to indicate how he was feeling. Instead he nearly fell backwards as Dean rushed at him and boxed him against the bedroom door.

“God damn it, Cas. You are my friend, you’re the best friend I’ve ever had. I’m sorry if I didn’t ever tell you that. That’s never been all I’ve wanted though, as much as I’ve tried to fight it. I’m in love with you too, Cas. I should have told you that before, you deserve to know. But how do I let go of everything else? All my hang-ups, baggage, and self-hatred. That’s not all just going to go away if we’re together Cas, why would you want to deal with all that?”

Dean was so close to Cas he was having trouble processing his words, but he knew this was important. He had to fight the urge to forego this conversation and just close the very, very short distance between their mouths. He gathered his thoughts enough to answer. “Of course that’s not all going to go away Dean. It’s not like I don’t have baggage of my own. But there are no secrets between us anymore; we’ve been there for each other for most of the terrible experiences in our lives. We’re both going into this with our eyes wide-open and we’d figure it all out together. We love each other despite, and because of, all those things. What’s keeping us from letting ourselves have this if we both want it?”

Cas paused to let Dean process what he’d said. He really had no idea what Dean’s next move would be, when the space between them widened he wasn’t entirely surprised. Dean backed slowly away and turned to pace the room for a moment, both hands running through his hair. He stood to face Cas while running his hand over his mouth in thought. He seemed to finally make a decision, resolve solidifying in his features. The hardness in his face led Cas to believe he would be asked to leave shortly and he steeled himself for the rejection.

He was caught totally off-guard, then, when Dean strode across the room and entangled both his hands into Cas’ wild hair while roughly connecting their lips. His body firmly pressed Cas’ into the door and he nearly gasped in relief at the feeling. He’d always imagined kissing Dean would be amazing, and frankly he’d imagined it a lot. However, nothing could have truly prepared him for the zing of electricity that coursed through him as their lips met again and again. He was so shocked it took him whole seconds to respond and move his hands to Dean’s hair and then back. Castiel was nearly frantic with the feelings and lust coursing through him. He wanted Dean, badly; he always had but had forced himself to temper those feelings in order to maintain their friendship. It seemed he wasn’t alone as Dean pulled back to place their foreheads together, panting.

“Jesus, Cas. I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” He kissed Cas again, almost as though he couldn’t stop now that he’d started. “I’m so, so sorry I wouldn’t let myself accept this before. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Dean seemed desperate now and punctuated each new apology with another kiss. 

“It’s ok Dean, Dean I’m not going anywhere, it’s fine, you’re fine.” Castiel was a little alarmed at how frantic his own words seemed but he supposed 10 years of pent up feelings being released all at once might have some unforeseen side effects.

Cas connected their lips firmly again and moved his hands under Dean’s flannel to start the process of removing it, he needed that to happen now. “Is this ok?” he murmured against Dean’s lips. 

“Yes, yes, yes” Cas chuckled a bit at Dean’s new affinity for speaking in triplicate, but took his words to heart as he more rapidly disrobed them both. Finally they were naked from the waist up, chest-to-chest, and all the breath left Castiel’s lungs. Dean seemed to be in the same boat as he exhaled harshly and moved to Cas’s neck, sucking hurried kisses up to his jaw. Dean’s hands stroked in tandem up Cas’ chest and bracketed his face as he pressed another soft kiss to his lips. 

“I think we need to move this to my bed. Leave the pants here.” Dean walked away with a smirk, following his own advice and fully disrobing before laying down on the memory foam mattress. Cas gulped at the sight but quickly followed suit. He tried to push back the human feeling of awkwardness as he crawled onto the bed on his knees and slowly lowered himself on top of Dean. Luckily the feeling of laying naked on top of a naked Dean quickly chased that thought, and all others, from his head. They both panted heavily as they rocked together, until Cas lowered his mouth to connect with Dean’s once again. The friction felt amazing but Dean’s sexual experience knew how to make it feel even better. He attempted to open the drawer of his bedside table without disconnecting from Cas, but finally accepted defeat and quickly turned to grab a small bottle. Before Cas was really conscious of what he was doing he had both their cocks wrapped in his hand, the path smoothed by a lubricating agent of some sort. Cas collapsed onto Dean at the feeling, his head tucked into Dean’s shoulder.

“Dean!”

“Shhh Cas, I know. Ah shit, I’m not going to last long. Are you close, baby? Please tell me you’re close.” Dean was breathless and all Cas could do was nod his head in response. He moaned into Dean’s shoulder as he picked up the pace, both of them were now rocking into his motions, incapable of staying still.

“Oh fuck. Cas. Caaaaas.”

“Let go Dean, I’m here. Let go for me.”

As if waiting for permission, Dean came in thick ropes between them. His head was thrown back, eyes closed as he panted and moaned Cas’ name. The mere sight was enough for Cas to join him, throbbing powerfully as his orgasm shot through him. He knew his sexual experience was limited, but that was by far the most overwhelming thing he’d ever felt. Cas collapsed onto Dean’s chest briefly before he found the strength to roll over on his back, quickly turning his head to view his best friend. Dean seemed to be struggling to regain his breath as well. Eventually Dean turned, a wide smile across his face. He leaned in and lightly kissed Cas’ lips.

“Jesus, Cas. I’ve never felt anything like that.”

Cas visibly brightened. “Really?”

“Well I’ve never been in love before you idiot. Not like this.”

Cas smiled at the derogatory term of endearment. How was it possible he loved this man so much? 

“Guess we ARE both idiots. Sam will probably be insufferable now. He’s apparently known for years.” Cas mimed quotation marks at the last three words, a fondness lit up Dean’s face at the action. 

“Yeah, that sasquatch is really too insightful for his own good if you ask me. Some well-placed PDA should probably fix that thought, don’t you think?”

Cas laughed, nearly hysterical with how happy he felt in the moment. “Well, Dean, I don’t often say this to you, but I do like the sound of that plan.”


End file.
